"Head...Shoulders...Knees and...SOCKS!"

First things first - I am not a masochist.  But man was today a doozy!

As some of you who may live in areas with a high percentage of federal employees, tis the season for spending your Flexible Spending Account (or FSA).  This is a nifty little plan that allows you to put aside pre-tax money out of your paycheck for medical expenses or daycare.  The one caveat is that it is a use it or lose it program.  So a lot of people spend the better part of December figuring out how much money is left in their account and spend their money to use it, rather than lose it.  Most of the optical shops around here in DC have signs in their windows encouraging people to buy glasses with their FSA money.  Or drug stores have sales encouraging people to stock up on certain over the counter meds that qualify.  This year, Shiny and I budgeted more than we have in the past for our FSA, and now we find ourselves with lots of medical appointments in order to use the money in our account before the spending year is closed.

So today I had three doctors appointments.  The first was quite innocuous.  I went to "ladytown" as Shiny puts it for a quick shot. Easy peasy.  The second was just pure torture.

I was diagnosed with Plantar Fasciitis in my right heel.  The same foot that I also have arthritis in my ankle, so walking around sometimes can be very painful if I'm not wearing the correct shoes.  I finally got off my behind to see a Podiatrist about the pain, and she prescribed some anti-inflammatory meds and stretching exercises, which she scared me in to doing.  (Shiny and I referred to her as the "Fasciitis Fascist.")  Three weeks later, the pain is still there, but not as bad as it was during my first appointment.  But, since it's still there, she decided the next course of action was a cortisone steroid shot directly into my heel at the exact point of pain.  Sweet honey on the rock, this was excruciating!   More painful than childbirth.  It was so bad that she couldn't give me the injection all at once.  I was trying so hard not to scream and curse, but she said to let it all out, as I was the last patient of the day.  Man did I curse like a mother f!*&#ing sailor.  Then I cursed some more.  Then I started crying.  It was that bad.  Like being stabbed repeatedly with a really sharp knife in a spot where you are already in pain.  I was afraid to walk out of there, but she reassured me that it would kick in and I would feel better.  I told her I will NEVER do that again, so if I'm still experiencing pain next time I go back, we'll explore alternate options of treatment.  Damn skippy!

My next appointment (after stopping for a sympathy Frappuccino and to get Shiny a super cool Chanukah gift), was at the Ophthalmologist.  What with the FSA money to spend, it was time to get my eyes checked and get a prescrip for new glasses.  I last got new glasses on Sept. 9, 2001.  Luckily, my eyes haven't changed significantly since then.  The Ophthalmologist said I didn't even really need new glasses if I didn't want them.  Ah - FSA - yes I do.  And he understood.  But then they did all the tests to look inside your eyes to check for glaucoma and floaters, etc.  So not only could I now not walk straight, but I was seeing bright big light blobs in my eyes from the testing.  What was I thinking?

Did I mention that on Thursday, I'm getting two wisdom pulled at the dentist? 

So you see, I'm not a masochist.  I just have to use up my FSA money...